


I Just Had Sex

by pennydreadful



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-02
Updated: 2011-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-15 07:59:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/158751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennydreadful/pseuds/pennydreadful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock just had sex and he's going to make sure everyone knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Had Sex

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [I Just Had Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2833451) by [souzern](https://archiveofourown.org/users/souzern/pseuds/souzern)
  * Translation into Русский available: [У меня сейчас был секс](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4915039) by [faggghaggg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/faggghaggg/pseuds/faggghaggg), [pennydreadful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennydreadful/pseuds/pennydreadful)



> This is a fill for a prompt on the sherlockbbc_fic kinkmeme which asked for:
> 
> I feel like Sherlock would be all about celebrating that he just had sex. So John and Sherlock just had sex and Sherlock is so happy, he's telling everyone about it. Crack is pretty much a requirement. Here's a video for inspiration: http://sherlockbbc-fic.livejournal.com/5564.html?thread=18914492#t18914492
> 
>  
> 
> Pretty much just funny crack.
> 
> **Since I get these questions a lot: I fully give my permission for anyone to translate any of my works into any language, make podfics/audiobooks out of them, or post them elsewhere (as long as you give me proper credit). Go for it, you don't have to ask! And thank you very much!**

Sherlock breezed down the stairs with more dramatic flair than usual, coat billowing, scarf fluttering, and dear God--he was humming. Mrs. Hudson was just coming in the front door and she beamed when she saw him.

"Oh, Sherlock! I was just out for my morning constitutional. You look positively radiant. Have a good morning?"

With a smug, close-lipped smile, he gripped her by the shoulders and held her out at arms-length. She gazed avidly at him. "Mrs. Hudson," he took a dramatic pause, "I've just had sex."

" _Sherlock!_ " John's voice came down the stairs as a surprised, strangled shout.

Mrs. Hudson gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. "Oh did you Sherlock! Just now?"

"Yes. Not fifteen minutes ago," he declared.

"With John?"

"Oh yes."

" _Sherlock!_ "

"Was it delightful dear?" She asked.

"It was  _amazing._  We'd been building up to it all last night. I could hardly sleep. Then this morning, we were behaving as if nothing had gone on, it was so foolish. And then the next thing I know, I'm flat on my back and--"

"Sherlock!" John came thundering down the stairs, tugging his coat on. His cheeks were a vibrant shade of red. "I'm sorry Mrs. Hudson," he blustered. "He's being obscene."

"Oh it's all right dear." She waved a hand as John more or less shoved Sherlock out the door. "The morning's the best time for it, you know. Well-rested and all that. You ought to try a little afternoon delight sometime!" she was still talking as John rushed out.

Walking down the street, Sherlock resumed humming, pulling his gloves on as he strode along briskly.

"What is wrong with you!" John asked, struggling to keep up the pace. "Why did you tell her?"

"You didn't say not to tell her."

"I thought it was implied!"

Sherlock looked sideways at him, expression curious. "Why not tell people? Wasn't it good for you?"

"It was amazing--that's not the damn point, Sherlock! It's a private matter!"

"I thought you'd be flattered I was bragging you up a bit."

John determinately walked faster, passing him up. "Just please don't do that again!"

They stopped at the newsstand first, because Sherlock liked to get the paper first thing and look over the police blotter, to see if anything sounded off. Roger was there as usual, grizzled and gray, chewing on his cigar. "Mornin' Sherlock," he grunted around it as Sherlock dropped a quid in his hand.

"Good morning Roger." Sherlock took the paper and leaned in to him. "I've just had sex."

"Oh my  _God_." John nearly knocked over a rack of magazines.

Roger squinted up at him with one eye, the other closed. "Well ain't you a lucky bastard?"

On the walk to the coffee shop Sherlock smiled obliviously, John glaring straight ahead.

"You're never going to have sex again--with me--if you keep it up," John informed him.

"Seems rather contrary to your words earlier." They arrived at the shop and paused as a young woman came out with a paper cup in hand. " _I could fuck you like this every morning_ , isn't that what you said?"

The girl looked over at them and John gnashed his teeth. "Shut up!" He rushed inside.

Standing in line, John looked particularly rankled. Sherlock rocked on his heels, hands clasped behind him. He looked at John. "I had no idea you had such a fascination with my neck."

John said nothing, just pursed his lips.

"Or that you liked pulling hair."

John lifted his chin, jutting it out and still not speaking.

"I have to say, I'm rather impressed a man your age could achieve such a firm erection. Perhaps that was my doing though. Does the intensity of the attraction correlate to the blood flow?"

John gaped at him. "A man my  _age_? I'm not an old man, Sherlock!"

"No, I suppose relatively speaking, you're not. You certainly have the vigor of a man half your age. You were thrusting so hard at one point I nearly fell off the bed." They stepped up to the counter then, and the girl behind it stared at them.

"Two coffees," Sherlock told her. "One black, two sugars. The other just black." He pulled a note out with a flourish. "And I'll pay," he gave the girl the note, "because I just had sex."

She stared at him a moment, then looked at the note and grimaced. John rubbed his face.

Sherlock leaned forward and pointed surreptitiously at John. "With him," he whispered.

John turned and left.

Sherlock found him outside, pacing, arms crossed. "Don't you want your coffee?" Sherlock asked him.

"STOP telling people we've just had sex!" John ceased pacing and glared at Sherlock. "It's impolite!"

Sherlock shrugged. "Statistically speaking John, we've probably seen on our way here at least two or three people who have just had sex as well."

"And they're not talking about it, are they!"

"They probably didn't have sex with anyone as good at it as you are."

John just stared at him a moment and his face softened. He sighed and took his coffee from Sherlock. "I'll take that as a compliment. But please--you've talked me up enough. Just keep it private past this point, all right?"

They started down the street again, sipping. After a few minutes of silence, Sherlock looked over at him. "John?"

"What?"

"What's an 'afternoon delight?'"

John lifted his arm and looked at his watch. "I'll show you in about four hours."


End file.
